Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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