Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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