ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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