Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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