I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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