you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
