You can't motorboat a personality
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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