Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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