Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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