Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
