I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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