if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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