tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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