let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
