I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
