wrigley field is MILF paradise
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
