It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize