I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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