He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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