if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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