my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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