careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
