I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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