I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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