fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
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Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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