Don't make out with my wife yet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
