i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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