she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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