i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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