I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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