think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Vodka?
Forever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
