So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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