Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
