Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
