I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
