Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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