worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
