I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.