This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sarcasm needs its own font
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.