How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.