Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
