Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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