I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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