If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
