Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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