if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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