then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip