sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?