wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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