she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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