TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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