I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
