someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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